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Jimmy Jonesonburger

2010-04-22 04:51:56 by Rottenberry

Jimmy Jonesenburger poured the thick waffle batter into the waffle iron early one morning. He proceeded to shut the iron closed and then rotate it 180 degrees as is custom with most professional-level waffle irons. He then went promptly to bed as he had a near fatal case of narcolepsy.

Jimmy Jonesenburger awoke the next day in the mid-afternoon the sound of someone's shrill screaming. However, since he had a severe case of narcolepsy he promptly fell back into bed and went to sleep.

Jimmy Jonesenburger awoke the next day in the middle of the night to the sound of dreadful screams. He stood up, walked to the door, and then fell back into bed as he had a very grave case of narcolepsy.

Jimmy Jonesenburger woke the next morning to a piercing screeching. He proceeded down the stairs and then fell asleep, tumbling down the remaining flight of steps because of a dreadful case of narcolepsy.

Jimmy Jonesenburger didn't wake up the next day...

Jimmy Jonesenburger DID however wake up the next, NEXT day to the sounds of incessant howling and after lifting himself off of his concrete floor managed to stumble into the kitchen where he found the waffle iron engulfed in a pocket of thick black smoke. He grasped the handles of the waffle iron and twisted it another 180 degrees before opening it, and then fell asleep due to a serious case of narcolepsy.

Jimmy Jonesenburger woke up the following evening to the sounds of painful groaning next to him. His eyes adjusted to the light and there he saw the mere shell of what was once a respectable waffle, laying on the kitchen floor. This crispy thin waffle shell turned to Jimmy, gasped, and with its dying breath uttered out, "The horror! The horror!" The writer of this tale then fell asleep because he was tired of Jimmy Jonesenburger and his damn narcolepsy.

Jimmy Jonesonburger


Omegle and you

2010-03-16 01:34:32 by Rottenberry

Well I have learned first hand that strangers on Omegle should remain exactly that - STRANGERS. I met some random stranger from Omegle whose interests included weed and dick jokes and after learned that it was in fact a woman I went ahead and let her add me on facebook.

Turns out she was beastly looking, had an album full of manga, and now won't stop messaging me asking me to go on cam and telling me "[She's] covered in lube for me, honey muffin".

Moral of the story. Omegle is a strange place. And you should not disturb the strange inhabitants that dwell there. That is all.


Thinking: My arch-nemesis

2010-03-09 21:19:40 by Rottenberry

I guess this is what they call growing up but I find myself caught in the most pointless circles of thought over the most miniscule things.

For example:

Whilst texting a sexy lady from my University
THOUGHT: "Oh ho man with this clever text she will have no choice but to make sweet love to me"
TEXT SENT.
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit that wasn't funny at all, she probably thinks I'm too obsessive, oh fuck what if she thinks I'm perverted or something, gay?, IT'S BEEN 5 MINUTES WHY ISN'T SHE RESPONDING, Damn it I should just refrain from texting people in general, DO OTHER PEOPLE WAIT THIS LONG FOR RESPONSES?!"
SEXY CHICK RESPONDS: "Hahahahaha omg!"
THOUGHT: "I AM SO IN, SHE SO DIGS ME. Oh god but maybe it's all mindgames, maybe she's just fucking with me?! No I am so in that was genuine laughter fuck yes! Kick ass!"

Yeah so it might be a TAD exxagerated but that my general thought process on days when I'm feeling down in the funk.

AND IT SUCKS.

So as I said before, FUCK THINKING.


Well will you look at that?

2009-10-26 03:41:29 by Rottenberry

A blog! Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to spread my wisdom and insightful knowledge to the world.

Well will you look at that?